Hello, everyone. Welcome, to my blog post. I wanted to write a little about my recent art work. I got so much feed back, that it compelled me to write a blog about it. First, I would love to thank everyone for sharing my art. It feels wonderful to know that my passion can inspire people. Not only inspire people, but also reach out and let other women know they are not alone.
I guess I will start off with a little back story to the image I created. I have been really trying to invest into learning more and more about photography. Not just photography as in taking the photos, but more into the depths of being an artist. I've always loved art. Painting, acting, music, drawing, photography. Any form of it, I love art! I do not just want to be a photographer. But more so, an artist. I want my work to speak to people. I want people to look at my work and be able to recognize it and know that it was made by me. I want people to look at my work and feel something. Whether the feeling is happiness, sadness, emotional, or even relate to the feelings the image portrays. It felt so amazing to get such a response... I was not at all expecting, from one of my most recent works.
The concept was something I came up with during a class. I was inspired by my teacher to come up with something creative. Anything. And add details to convey a message. Whether it be your favorite movie. Or some kind of theme". And while I was watching the video of her explaining what my assignment was.. I just started visualizing what I wanted to do and jotting notes down. I began to create this piece, first by taking an image of myself to fit my chosen background. I wanted my theme or concept to be "me". This year, my goal was to tell my story to others. I have also been taking photos of my life at home and letting others see what I see. It has been really amazing to be able to capture my kids growing up and has made me see the importance even more, in my passion of photography. Anyhow, I wanted to be raw. Real. I struggle so much as a mom. I know, facebook can sometimes portray my life as fun with the kids at home. But it is not all fun and games being a stay at home mom. It is honestly. -Rather stressful. Depressing. I also have anxiety, which I have carried the weight of for the past several years. I want people to see every side of my life. The fun, playdough and paint and playing outside with the kids. The tender moments of hugs and sticky kisses. The messes of mischief. But also, the broken and tired me. The depressed mom who feels robotic. Trying to keep it together throughout the day. When you just mop the floor, and then someone spills something literally 5 minutes later. You clean that up, and not even 10 minutes later.. the dog pees in the floor. You feel your blood boiling. You just want to scream. But you try not to. It's okay, mom.
This is me. My life. Every day. Same routine. Same faces. Same messes. Same. Ev.er.ry.thing! You try and try to be the happy mom. But you can only be the nice, smiling, non-complaining.. hide your stress, anxiety and depression mom for so long. Some days are easy. But other days... are the worst. You wear your wings of white. Carrying around a dove on your shoulder. It's all rainbows. As the day goes by, the messes are made, the stress builds up, the tantrums arrive, the repeated -"please, just listen to me and obey your mother"- line, the holding back from discipline till you have simply had enough you want to just scream. It all piles up and at the end of the day you tuck in those sweet faces into bed. Your heart melts. You feel sometimes like a failure. And when I say you, I mean me. You question everything a billion times because you just don't want to mess up. But, at the same time.. you just don't even care at the end of the day. You kiss their soft cheeks and know maybe you're doing it right. But you replay the day in your head. The darkness of anxiety and depression still has a hold on you and the blackbird sings its song. It reminds you of all the times you failed. And all the things you could have done right and you wrestle with those thoughts. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled. They just wanted attention. I probably should discipline them more. I probably shouldn't have got so upset. And you feel like a crazy woman. Momma, you are not alone. You cannot do it all. You are not perfect.
This is my life. Every day. But my kids see the fun side. They get to play with playdough. I see the.. I get to clean it out of the carpet. They see the... momma let me paint the door.. I see.. what the heck was I thinking?... they see the 15 minute bedtime stories. I see them tugging on me all day because I have 500 chores, no time and they just want attention. They see the bubble bath and swimming in the tub with fun toys, I see the pile of water in the floor.
That anxiety. That depression. Will make you see the negative in everything. So at the end of the day. When you take off your white wings, and fight the darkness. Remember this image and remember this blog. Remember that you're not alone. There are, I'm sure, so many mommas who feel this way. And maybe, I am wrong. And if I am wrong, then I am just crazy.. but That's okay.
Heather La'rie Photography
